Another Silent Revolution

“Why did you change your name? Do you have a legitimate reason, or are you doing it just to be different?”

I guess I was sort of caught off guard by this question. It offended me. Of course I did it to be different, but not just to be different. But I didn't know what to say, so I just said, “that's how I think of myself.” To which he responded, “why?” and I didn't answer because I didn't know.

I didn't change my name a lot. Just one letter. The first vowel. When I introduce myself, most people don't even notice, and sometimes I have to repeat myself a few times before they realize it's different. But I think it's just like a nickname. Just a more permanent one. I've had a lot of self-inflicted nicknames over the years, but this one has stuck with me for most of my adult life, and I have a plastic card that says it's my real name now. But why?

At first I guess I thought it was because I didn't want to be the same as everyone else. This is a legitimate reason. There are healthy ways to be like everyone else and there are healthy ways to be different from everyone else. Having a new name is not an unhealthy way to be different from everyone else.

According to my brother, most people name their babies something different because they don't want to attach the association of a negative experience to their child. That's why there are so few girls named Hillary these days. Not that that was ever a really common name, but still. I can't say I ever had a lot of very negative connotation with my former name. I knew lots of people who had the same name as me, and 9/10 were pretty cool. But I didn't ever really like having the same name as something else. I'm different from other people; shouldn't I be called something different too?

So that's got me thinking. There are a lot of things about me that are different. I do my hair differently than most people. I have a few interesting exhibitions of body art. I have some unique jewelry. I don't always prescribe to conventional beauty procedures. I wear clothing that has been described as “the sort of thing only you wear.” Why do I do this? Am I that desperate to be different? Am I doing it just to get attention? Am I trying to make a statement, to get people to notice me and think, “oh, she's weird.”

No.

I am trying to make a statement, but it's not that I'm different. I am different, but that's mostly just a side effect of my choice to do what I enjoy. I wear my hair the way I do because I enjoy it. The fact that it's different from most people's is irrelevant. I wear strange clothes because I think they're beautiful. And if a few heads turn as I walk down the sidewalk, I don't really care. I am who I am and I love what I love, and I refuse to apologize for it.

There have been a lot of movements that have had power. Mobs and protests, petitions, viral videos, speeches and expositions. That's not what I'm about. I don't want to make a statement of revolution or rebellion; my statement is that this is normal. My goal is to normalize uniqueness. I want children to be able to wear clothes that aren't exactly like what everyone else is wearing without being ashamed. I want looking like yourself to be normal instead of having to dress to fit a mold. I want women to feel free to go unshaven without feeling like monsters. I want humanness to be normal. Because there's nothing wrong with being comfortable as yourself. Unless you're evil, which I guess we all are at least a little bit. The power of normalization is greater than most people seem to realize. Bikinis are a great example of this.

To those of you who balk at the idea of calling someone a different name than the one their parents gave them at birth or who consider it strange that someone would want to be called by a different pronoun than the one you're used to, I give you the right to feel how you want, but realize that you'll never be my friend. Names change all the time. Women change their last name when they get married. People assume nicknames in various circumstances. Celebrities trademark specific pseudonyms. Sure, it's comfortable to have something reliable like gender to be able to fall back on, but regardless of your stance on transgenderism, if your goal is to stay comfortable, you may miss out on many thrilling friendships.

I changed my name for a different reason than to be different or to normalize name changes. I can have a classic name or a unique nickname. Either is fine under the standard of normalcy. It's normal to have the name your parents gave you and it's normal to go by a nickname. But I want to be who I am. I want to have a unique name so that I am just myself, not just another girl with the same name as your cousin. Because we can't always help comparing those we meet to someone with the same name. I want to be unprecedented, and I want to be my own category. I think everyone is their own category, really. Sure we all have things in common, but none of us are really the same.

So, to be precise, I didn't change my name just to be different. I already am different. I wanted my name to reflect that.