How to Not end up in an Apartment that Sucks

So, you’re moving out. You’ve decided that living with your parents isn’t for you anymore, and it’s high time you graduated from stupid university housing. You pull open your computer and begin searching for apartments near where you want to live, and your screen fills with host sites full of listings with everything from swimming pools to scenic vistas. The more you search, though, the more you realize that finding your first apartment can be a daunting task. Should you go full utilities? Garage? W/D hookups? Pets okay? Patio, one bedroom, studio, 2 ½ bath? Well, take it from someone who has experience searching for not one, not two, but more than three apartments in the past few years to help you avoid some common problems when you first rent!

The first step is to decide what kind of apartment you want. Studio apartments are one room plus a bathroom. This is fine if you live alone or don’t mind sharing all your living space all the time, but if you plan on having much company, it can get cramped. The fewer bedrooms a place has, the cheaper it usually is, so unless you’re looking on getting a roommate, you’ll probably want to stick to one bedroom places at largest. These models will generally come with a full kitchen, living room, and of course, a bathroom. Sizes and configurations may vary.

Your standard apartment will come with garbage and water fees already calculated into the bill, since these are generally set fees. Other utility costs, such as electricity, heat, cable, or WiFi can either fluctuate or are deemed unnecessary, so are sometimes not included. If all utilities are included, keep in mind that you’ll probably be overpaying some months, but underpaying other months, so the convenience of a consistent fee will most likely be equitable. Garages are nice, but usually add a significant cost. On site washer dryer (W/D) is probably one of the most important things to look for at an apartment, since Laundromats, while functional, are not really fun places to hang out. If a place comes with W/D hookups, you’ll have to bring in your own appliances, but the electrical circuitry is already there. Nothing worse than toting a washing machine up 3 flights of stairs only to find there’s no place to plug it in. Speaking of appliances, it’s pretty standard for an apartment to come with a stove and refrigerator. Some will come equipped with other appliances, but if one isn’t included, the listing should specify. Some come with almost every piece of furniture you could need, at a cost, but you’ll have to be careful to not get them dirty or your security deposit will rapidly disappear.

Speaking of security deposits, you’ll most likely have to put a full month’s rent down in addition to the first month’s rent (translation, move in costs rent x2) as insurance in case you trash the place. I generally advise not trashing anything that doesn’t belong to you, but if you have the money and don’t care that you won’t be able to use this place as a reference as you search for future apartments, you’re free to do as you will. Most landlords will find some way to weasel you out of at least half your deposit whether by cleaning, small repairs, or miscellaneous fees, but if you leave the apartment in reasonably good condition, you should walk away with at least some of the deposit when you move out. To avoid maintenance fees upon move out, be sure to alert your landlord immediately when something breaks, since they’re legally obligated to fix it without charging you while you’re under lease. Unless it’s ridiculous. Most of them will charge you if you’re unreasonably clumsy or destructive.

Now that you know how to read the listings and how much it‘ll cost you to move in, it’s time to pick out a few that meet your high expectations. You don’t want to pay a ton for this place, but you don’t want to end up with garbage either, right? High price doesn’t guarantee high quality, but be wary of too good to be true prices. Never commit to a place without thoroughly investigating it first. While you’ll never know all the pitfalls of a place until you’ve actually lived there for a month or so, there are some basic things that you should be entitled to wherever you are living. Test to see if all the faucets work, and how long it takes for the hot water to actually get hot. Make sure all the light switches work. Note if the doors stick or the windows don’t open easily, or if the windows don’t lock airtight. Make note of any chores such as lawn mowing or show shoveling you’ll be responsible for (usually standard in a free-standing unit).

If you’re having trouble sorting through online listings such as Craigslist (which doesn’t have a standard format, so you never know what kind of information will be available) or Apartments.com, you can always call a real-estate agency. They’ll take a fee, of course, but such places are generally organized and specific, even while they try to swindle you. If you’ve looked at several places and still can’t make a decision, try testing it against Sirah’s spectacular Pro tips, seen below!

Pro tip #1. If the apartment looks like a dump when you visit it, it’s probably because the landlord is really slow about fixing things. Since you’re renting, you have only minimal responsibility for fixing the place up, so the landlord should be checking in regularly to make sure everything is in working order. If he/she can’t even spruce things up for an open house, you should probably look elsewhere. Admittedly, some places are just old, so they might not look haut fashion or modern, but if paint is peeling, wiring is exposed, flooring is cracked, or windows are broken (common problems that would require minimal effort to repair), go with your gut and pass on that place. Never take a landlord’s word that the place will be fixed up by the time you move in. If you want a second opinion, try asking some neighbours, as they’ll usually be able to point out some common problems.

Pro tip #2. It’s common knowledge that heat rises. If you like being warm all year around without paying a ton in heating costs, move into a place above an old lady. Not to stereotype or anything, but the heat she puts into her apartment will rise into yours which will help defer heating costs. Just make sure to thank her sometimes. Upstairs apartments have the wonderful benefit of reduced chances of peeping toms, fewer people tromping around above you late at night, and provide exercise as you walk up that flight of stairs every day. Of course, carrying furniture up and down stairs can be difficult unless you get one of those high-end pre-furnished apartments, and your escape routes in an emergency are significantly more time consuming.

Pro tip #3. Having roommates can be a great way to offset the costs of your apartment and utilities. Sometimes you even become friends with your roommates and live happily with only the occasional argument. Make sure you set up regular times to talk as roommates, though, and don’t be surprised if you learn more about your roommate than
you ever wanted to know. Fred doesn’t like wearing pants after he comes home from work? Julie is scared of cleaning her hair out of the shower drain? Bill doesn’t get the concept of rinsing his dishes before leaving them in the sink for a week? Ah well, you’ll figure it out. If you’re lucky, you won’t end up hating each other by the time your lease expires. If you skip out on rent, though, there is no pit of hell deep enough… Don’t be that guy.

Pro tip #4. You can often live with a lot less than you thought you could. If the idea of moving all your stuff, buying tons of furniture, and paying for all utilities seems daunting, make a list of what you’d absolutely need if you were to live in a specific place. Then go back through the list and make a list of the stuff you’d actually need. Theoretically, this second list should be shorter ;) Personally, I find it necessary to have on-site parking, a bathtub, and a large countertop, but you certainly have other needs, so don’t be afraid to figure out what you couldn’t live without; there’s no shame in wanting a south-facing window or a living room with three outlets.

All in all, there’s no such thing as a perfect apartment. You can find places that qualify as pretty good or good enough, but there will always be downsides to every place, even if they’re not apparent at move-in. That said, there are some things you shouldn’t have to put up with. If things are broken or living conditions are hazardous, you can get help via city ordinances and lease agreements to help make your living situation better. However, hopefully you can just avoid these kinds of situations in the first place. Spend some time thinking over a place before you agree to any sort of lease, pre-lease or contract. Make sure the place is somewhere you can feel comfortable coming home to because why pay for something you don’t want?

Two Steps From Hell

"What do you weigh? Like 110? Yeah, there's no way. They're gonna beat you up. The kids in Secure beat up the guards. You don't stand a chance."
"I'm gonna just stay in my cell. Not even come out for meals and stuff. They can stick my cake through the little flap in the door."
"Damn, they have cake at Secure?"
"Yeah, every day. Sometimes twice a day."
"How do I get in?"
Said the fourteen year old to the twelve year old on the day he got convicted for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In a way I guess he had it coming. When your friend says, "let's go rob a house," riding along in the getaway car will probably get you convicted even if you don't steal anything. Having a rap sheet for drug possession, fistfights, and petty theft doesn't help your case either. I can't help wonder where he'll go after his 8 months of prison are over. There isn't much future for a twelve year old with several felonies.

That's not how I grew up, you know. I lived in a town where it was shocking if someone had sex when they were 17, and if a kid had drugs, it was probably because their parents were trying to stash their goods during a police search. It's not like children never committed crimes, but no one ever knew about it, and most of the kids were good.

I was sitting in a courthouse one day taking notes on legal procedure, when this fifteen year old was escorted in. He was there on charges of posting, "I've got a bomb" on an anonymous social media page, which lead to the evacuation of his school. He was also sent to juvie and assigned quite a bit of community service. I don't know where this one came from; whether he was serious, or just playing a joke, whether he had a history of shaky decisions, or if he had just made one mistake.

I think that's always been the scary part of law: you never know if your future will be thrown in jail over one mistake.

I don't have fond memories of police officers. I've never been in a real jail. I've never been accused of a serious crime. But I've been stopped too many times. "Have you been drinking? You seem high. Another suicide attempt? You almost ran me into the median. How fast were you going when your car rolled off the road? What were you doing at the site of the vandalism?"

I don't think a cop has ever treated me as human. I don't think I've ever met a cop who doesn't suspect me of something I should be fined for. Even my friend who used to be fun became suspicious and accusatory after a few years as a cop. I don't like it.

But my point isn't to rag on cops. The stupidity and slime they deal with doesn't come with a handbook. There's no official book of right words to say when you see a kid sitting naked on a street corner smoking. There's no right way to tell a child that they're making stupid decisions and you want them to stop endangering themselves and people around them. There's no good way to break it to a mother that her child will begin his adult life with thousands of dollars in debt for spending a week at a detention center.

Sometimes you wanna just slap these guys who make their kid's lives so hard that they'd go to jail just to get cake twice a day. It seems like a hopeless situation; these kids didn't ask to be born, didn't ask to have the whole world against them. While they're allowed to make their own choices, what twelve year old admits, "smoking is gross, but I've got an addiction; deal with it"?

I wonder how any of us make it. Why do any of us have dreams and futures? Why wasn't I the one born in the middle of a civil war, or to a homeless person as a result of rape, or to a rich lifeless politician who ODs within a few years of my birth?

I also want to know if there's a way to actually help these kids.

Disabled Dreams

I met a boy named Logan. Logan is 10. He is about 3 and a half feet tall and weighs less than 50 pounds because he lacks the mental capacity to eat food and must therefore receive all his nutrients through a tube in his stomach. Logan is severely disabled. He can walk, but not far. He can make sounds, but none of them recognizable as speech. He understands simple instructions, but doesn't always follow them. He is often upset, which he expresses by crying, rocking, or curling up into a ball and humming to himself. He needs active help to maintain daily existence, and because his family is poor, he's often left in the care of poorly paid government employees. This isn't to say that Logan isn't cared for or loved, but I wonder if he can tell how unwanted he is.

Of the thousands of children born every day, most have the physical and mental capacity to grow into independent functioning adults. A few need help to overcome some disabling feature, but only a few are born with such a situation as Logan, wherein they will never be able to live independently.

Some have said that every child is a gift, and every ability is special. The truth that we all know somewhere, though, is that disabilities are not something "special" about a certain child. Disabilities are problems, imperfections, brokenness, that can at times give us enlightening perspectives, but are most often burdensome. No one wants to have a disability; no parent is thrilled to receive a diagnosis of autism or cerebral palsy. No matter how sunny an outlook on the topic, a disability is always a setback, not a blessing.

The differentiation must be made, then, that the person with the disability is not the disability. It is the autism, not the autistic person, which is the burden. But how can we separate the two when the disability is only present when the disabled person is present? How can we include someone, but not their disability? In some cases it is possible, but Logan will never be seen as a person rather than a person with a disability.

There is a common feeling that the world would be a better place without people like Logan. That we should be able to do away with disability forever. Life is hard enough when one is able to live and be successful at basic life skills, but to be totally reliant upon others for daily existence is counter to survival of the fittest philosophy. We of course dream of the day when modern medicine will advance to the extent that we won't have disease or disability anymore. So many advances have been made that we've neatly doubled the predictable lifespan of most first world citizens, but we have not escaped death and pain altogether. We can take endless bottles of Tylenol, but the pain still comes back; sometimes it had only faded dully. And while we can say that at the end of the day, at least I'm not like Logan, the pain of living in a broken body is difficult to bear.

I had a dream last night. I dreamed that I was hanging out at an incredibly well-lit school filled with cheerful Christmas crafts and letters to Santa. I walked outside on one of the last warm days of autumn before the rain and the snow hit, and I dreamed that Logan was on the playground healthy and playing kickball with the other third graders on a huge grassy lawn. No one was sick; no one was crying; no one was unwanted. It's an impossible dream, really. But I hope that that is what heaven looks like, because I'd love to play kickball with Logan there.