Little Worlds

When I was 14, Sir Winsalot dubbed me Lady Watchalot. We were joined in our cohort by Sir Cheatsalot, Lady Talksalot, Lord Scheming, Sir Hopeful, and Lady Knowsalot. I watched them a lot. I watched them play. I watched them learn. I watched them grow. I watched as they moved away. I guess I did too.

Some internet meme has been telling me that life will pass me by as I watch and I’ll be left alone and empty because I’ve never participated.

All my life I’ve been on the sidelines, in the audience, or backstage. They tried to make me a leader, but I retreated to behind my camera. I don’t think they understood because after that they stopped inviting me to their parties and picnics. If that’s what they meant by left behind, then I guess I do feel alone. But isn’t there a place for someone like me to stand on the sidewalk and cheer as the parade goes by?

You didn’t have courage.

You never stepped out.

You never tried hard enough.

You were content in your comfort zone.

You never said you wanted to participate.

You never reached out.

You never made anything worth showing off.

You never escaped the fear of what others might think if you showed off what you’d made.

You always just waited for someone else to initiate.

You never seemed to want to be a part of anything.

You buckled under the pressure.

You left when it got too hard.

You will always be left alone sweeping the streets after the parade has gone by.

Psh. So?

Even when I’m in the midst of these activities, I’m still on the outside. I can’t see all of it; it’s overwhelming. Perhaps I was born on the outside. I can see much more clearly from there.

Tell me, O sage internet meme, what it means to experience something.

Does it mean that to experience something is to see it?

To hear it?

To taste it?

To be immersed in it?

To understand it?

To remember it?

To have your whole mind and body engaged in it?

To be doing it at the same time as all the other people?

To be able to discuss it play by play once it’s over?

To lose your sense of anything else in favor of sensing it?

To breathe it in and feel it in your entire body?

To feel it deeply in your gut even when your head is telling you it cannot be?

Ah, internet meme, how often do we really experience anything? Really truly experience it? How often are we trapped behind a glass barrier, feeling like we’re only just watching through a tiny screen, even though we are completely surrounded by it?

Can we stand on a mountain and not feel the wind? Can we stand in the mall and not smell anything special? Can we be on the ice rink and not feel the impact of the cold, the echoes, the slice of skates, the heat of our own breath? Can we stand in the rain and not feel like dancing?

What is this reality that you seem to think I’m missing out on? You say that the positive emotions I feel in response to what I love can never be real and that the brokenness I feel at your scorn for my passion is the only reality. Or is it that because I’ve never run a marathon I can never know what it’s really like? Well, what is reality anyway? Is it an objective fact without any feeling attached? Then how is it we experience real love even when there’s no objective reality involved but often impossible insanity? Real is what is, not what you think is.

Oh, internet meme, what does it mean to really live? How can you think to answer that for me?

“There she goes again, staring at the sky. She’s always off in her own little world.”

It’s not my world. You live here too. You just can’t understand it because for you, real is what happens in your own head.

But my world isn’t little.

Faded Literature

I recently watched a video where a reported mother and daughter team started with a full shelf of books and systematically removed all the books with 1. male protagonists 2.no female characters 3.  female characters with no speaking parts  4. books where the female character is rescued. There were only a few books left which contained a female protagonist with goals and aspirations. The reported solution was to make a book about famous women in history.

I suppose I haven't thought much about how I feel about women in literature. However, I find myself agreeing with whomever said, "most female protagonists are either overconfident windbags or unrealistically shy lessons-in-a-box. I like characters that are believable." Trying to come up with a likable, believable female protagonist in a book is rather difficult for me, despite having read many books. 

I'll give you a hint of what I'm looking for. 

Adjectives that are abhorrent when describing female characters in books:

• sexy
• shy
• cute
• flat-chested
• confident
• embarrassed
• flushed
• breathless
• bubbly
• clutz

I find it unnecessary to describe the overall physical appearance of a female character. I don't much care if she is physically appealing or has insecurities about her appearance. I am also sick of female characters that say something stupid and immediately become ill-tempered when called out on it. The word "confident" seems sort of out of place on that list, but I included it because if the author has to explicitly say "she was confident" rather than describing the character doing something in a confident manner, it's both bad writing and trying too hard. 

Phrases that need to stop showing up in relation to female characters:

• She stopped to think (an action that everyone could benefit from doing more often, but is often used to show how "slow" the woman is, rather than able to take quick, decisive action).
• She checked her appearance in the mirror (sure, we all do this, but not always to make sure we look as attractive as possible. Sometimes we just like to be sure there isn't spinach in our teeth).
• She hated how that part of her looked (so? Just once, I'd like to read about a female protagonist who is quietly comfortable with how she looks, not admiring or hating certain aspects of her body throughout the story)
• She was distracted by how hot he was (This is very much a romance novel thing, but occurs in other more interesting books as well. I'd like to see a female character who doesn't have to remind herself to be committed to her goals, regardless of the physical appearance of the other human beings around her).

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I'd like there to be more characters in books that are like the strong, real women that I know from my daily life: thoughtful, decisive, willing to apologize, comfortable, adventurous, capable, intuitive, inventive, skilled, funny, noble, kind. Realistically all women have flaws, but can we avoid writing characters that are sulky or brash, addicted to romance, obnoxiously judgmental, militant feminists, stupid or clumsy. Above all, I think we should abolish the caricature of the female protagonist in romance novels.

As I consider all the dumb women in books, I can't help but wonder how they came to be. There are a lot of amazing female authors who probably haven't made a goal of creating the most irrational, unrealistic characters imaginable. Probably. Where does this obnoxious character come from? 

Perhaps it's simply difficult to portray a well-rounded woman within a book consumed with many other characters, a plot, and a fantasy world. Except the protagonist should be getting a lot of attention from the author's pen, right? Perhaps the author is trying to prove a point with all these idiotic characters. If so, point taken, can we move on please? Perhaps no one knows how to create a likable strong female character. If that is the case, what business have we in continuing to write books like this?  

This isn't to say that I've never come across female protagonists that I like. It's a struggle to think of them through that muddle of bad ones I was describing above, but they do exist, and I hope to find more of them. 

The Most Probably Way to Get a Job

Step one (1)

Have skills. If you do not have skills, you'll need to go and get some. This tends to be both time-consuming and expensive, and there is a chance you'll starve or go homeless long before the skills are actually marketable.

Step two (2)

Have experience. "Experience" is a noun (n.) that will appear on a lot of job listings. It is code for "something you do not have and cannot gain without first having it." The best way to obtain the experience that you do not have is to become an intern, which is code for "someone who has a lot of experience, but no money."

Step three (3)

Use your skills. You'll note that this is impossible because you are not currently working in a field wherein your skills are useful. However, if you do not use your skills, you basically don't have them, which means you should go back to step one.

Step four (4)

Market yourself. The most common way of selling off hours of your life is to send out resumes and job applications. If you have no skill at this, no one will ever notice you and you'll be starving and homeless for such a long time that no one will see you for an interview because you'll look scary. There are other ways of marketing your skills, but unless one of your skills is marketing, you'll probably fail at this.

Step five (5)

Make yourself marketable. Some people go about adding new skills or brushing up their appearance, but the most common way of making yourself marketable is lying a little bit so that you actually fit into the very narrow job description that will provide you with enough income to pay off all the debt you acquired while you were obtaining skills.

Step six (6)

Apply to jobs that interest you and that you know you could be successful at.

There are about 2 of these in the entire world, and someone else (who probably hates the job and isn't good at it) is already working there. (see step 7)

Step seven (7)

Lower your standards. It may be impossible for you to pay off your debt and live a comfy life working part-time at minimum wage, but 1/16th of an income is more than 0% of an income. Besides, without experience, you can only ever make 3/4 of an income anyway.


*Disclaimer: everything after step 7 is hypothetical and not related to obtaining a job except to give you some home after you complete step 7

Step eight A (8a)

Discover that you actually like working at an entry-level unskilled job, so you do really well and you get a raise because you tend to be good at what you enjoy, and managers sometimes reward you for that. You may eventually work your way into having most of an income in this fashion. Your dreams will be dead, but dreams don't pay the bills.

Step eight B (8b)

Slowly work your way up the corporate ladder by following a succession of jobs which you only work at for a year or two at most. This looks awkward on your resume, but you justify it by explaining that you're searching for a job that really suits your skills. You also now have a wide variety of experience (wide = not deep). By following this method, you may achieve your dream job by the time you're ready to retire. But since you have no 401K because you've never worked at a job for long enough to receive benefits, you can't retire. Enjoy your golden years in the workforce, because let's face it, if you leave your current job, no one will hire you: you're too old.

Step 8 C (8c)

Work at a job (or several jobs) you hate while secretly doing freelance work in the industry you actually wanted to work in all along, but which you'll never have solid references for, and will never make enough of an income to justify the time it takes away from your "real job." But at least you have something to look forward to when you get home from the daily grind.

When the Happy Light Breaks

Sorry, friends. I'm back on the topic of depression and loneliness.

This is  probably because I'm sitting on home on a Friday morning in my pajamas eating chocolate and bemoaning another rejection letter. I might have even cried a bit yesterday. For like the duration of "a River Flows in You." But not like a ton.

Crying is okay though. It means that I'm not too depressed to care about anything. It means I can still hold onto that label of "moderate" depression, rather than graduating to "severe." My Boy told me that it's a good thing I don't have a job because he'd make me stay home and take a sick day ("mental health is health too!"). I'm pretty sure if I had a job, I wouldn't be so depressed though.

It's funny how depression works like that. Sometimes I don't know why I'm depressed. That can get pretty intense because I have no way of getting better. It feels more like a mental illness then because it seems irrational and something that I have no control over. It's pretty normal comparatively to feel depressed because I feel lonely or hopelessly jobless. It almost annoys me when people send me findings about hormonal shifts or weather patterns causing depression, because that implies that there's something I could do about it, and therefore it's not as serious.

You ever think about how weird it is how we treat people differently when we think they're the reason they're in a bad place? Like, if someone gets shot in the leg by a drive by shooter, we hold benefits and bring over casseroles, but if someone shoots his own leg, we just snicker and vow to keep our guns locked up when he's around. The injury still hurts the same amount and costs as much to fix, but it's hard to have compassion on someone who is careless or unwise. We value cleverness and attentiveness at the expense of compassion for a mistake.

It's like I deserve to have suicidal thoughts because I was stupid enough to move across the country without securing employment first. It's like I deserve to be lonely because I didn't invest in a happy light. And if I suffer dramatic mood shifts around certain times of the month, well, I wasn't smart enough to deposit hundred's of dollars worth of synthetic hormones into my body. I don't want to go to a doctor who gives me instructions on how to get better because then it's my fault if it doesn't work; because I'm not good enough and didn't try hard enough.

There's this nice little hugbox philosophy that nothing is my fault and everyone else should bend over backwards so I'm never uncomfortable. I don't want to sound like I'm pandering to that. I think I should put in effort to improve my mental health when I can. Just recognize that sometimes I can't. Please love me despite this.

These days I see homeless people sleeping in subway cars or along quiet alleyways. I still don't know how to take this. I wonder if they're there because of something they did or because of external factors they had no control over. I wonder if I were in a position to help them, how long it would take for them to fall back onto hard times. I wonder if they are capable of making better choices or if the world is just turned against them. I suppose the reason they're homeless is no more important than the reason I'm depressed though. We don't give up on fixing something just because it's liable to get broken again; we don't stop showering just because we know we'll get dirty again. If we did give up, we'd lose something valuable in the process.

A person's value is not in the choices they make.

Springtime for Rocks

It's springtime. Every year, my favorite time of year. It can be dull and dreary and full of mud, but it is warm, and I love that. I've often wondered if my favorite time of year has anything to do with the fact that I was born in the spring. Perhaps I have so much residual happiness left over from the light and discovery and birthday parties that I can't help but celebrate this season. It seems most people like the season they were born into, but not all of them.

There's always this awkward phase though. I see it now as I glance out my window. The blanket of whitewashing snow is gone, but it has left behind heaps of rocks, dust, sand, and litter everywhere it had been heaped up. The grass is dead and brown. No flowers bloom. The trees are a dusky meld of dead brown. Anywhere there isn't pavement, there is likely to be sticky mud that gets on your shoes and pants and follows you everywhere but the innermost portions of clean tidy buildings. Today the sky is a mass of hazy bluish-grey, occasionally drooping into scattered showers, but mostly just lazing about in the lower atmosphere.

I've heard it said that spring is waiting for summer. But that's silly, you know. Trees and mud and skies don't wait for anything. They simply change as the weather changes. How would a cloud or a rock or a seed care what color it is or how long it'll be until people can be out enjoying popsicles on the boardwalk or celebrating birthday parties around a picnic table? The world is in the present moment, neither regretting nor waiting, but simply being.

People aren't like that. People long for spring after a harsh winter. People dream of summer during a muddy spring. People hope for a crisp fall after a humid summer. Perhaps there are people who wait in anticipation for winter too, but I do not understand why they would do this. People have hopes and longings and complaints and regrets. People are not satisfied. People cannot always live in the present moment.

Upon the advice of a prestigious psychologist, I have taken to occasionally listening to the recorded message of humans who claim to be able to aid me in achieving mindfulness. That is, they whisper into microphones about paying attention to my breathing, considering what I'm thinking about and feeling, and experiencing my senses one at a time. Usually they stick with five senses, but apparently there are more. I can focus on my sense of balance, for example, which makes my sense of hot/cold and my sense of where each part of my body is located and my sense of time passing less notable in my brain. I suppose all of those feelings could be attributed to touch in some way, but they are not the same.

I like to occasionally listen to the whispers of the mindfulness speakers. They remind me that no matter what has happened or what might happen or how many consequences I will have to face, I can only change the present moment. I am only living in this incredibly small instant of time that will disappear instantly after I've experienced it. And what can I do with it then?

Well, what can I do? I've heard that most people don't need help discovering what their dreams are, though some do. Apparently some people cannot have their own dreams, but if someone else has a strong dream, they can share it and it becomes both people's dream. The tricky part for most people is believing that their dreams can happen. I have many dreams that I don't pursue because I believe them to be impossible. I envy children in the way that to them, nothing is quite impossible, but as we gain experiences, we learn that not everything can be possible. No matter how much we want something, we might not be able to get it. Worse, we might have to give up something else to get it. I wonder if it's possible to have it all?

It is impossible for me to live completely in the present moment. It would be silly, in fact. Even animals use their memories of the past to help them achieve advantages and avoid pain. I don't think animals have much sense of the future though. Sure, they plan ahead for winter hibernation and whatnot, and they must have a sense of schedule, or my dog would never be able to predict what time I'll be home from work each day. Yet, I don't think it's likely that they worry about what will happen, who will feel what about them, and whether they'll have food stored up for every day of their lives. Perhaps they do have anxiety about the future, but it seems unlikely to me.

I spend a lot of my time in the future, wondering what will happen and how to best prepare for it. I spend a lot of time in the past, considering what has happened and why and how to prevent or cause such things to happen again. The present moment is a difficult place to live in, even in the springtime when the world smells like fresh new mud and the wind is soft and warm and the colors are beginning to remind me that nothing stays brown and dead forever.

I cannot decide if it is better to be like a tree: living always in the present, unable to dream or regret. A sense of time is a dangerous thing.

A Big Fat Lost Opportunity

It's January, and resolutions are still ringing in the air. Or wherever resolutions hang out. I haven't exactly seen one lately. I'm normally not one for new years resolutions because statistically, they don't seem very effective. I intended to start getting healthier and more educated last summer though, and since I've gotten very bad at that again, I thought now might be a good time to start.

My resolutions this year: Write 2018 instead of 2017 (failed); don't search for a different song on phone while driving (failed); work out 3x per week (failed); shower twice a week (failed); read at least one whole book every month (still hope on this one); stop buying products with sugar (this one needs to be more specific; I'm not sure if I've failed it or not yet); advance to a 7th grade proficiency in common core subjects (haven't actually started on this one). It's only the third week of 2018 and my resolutions turned out to not be very strong. But I was expecting this, which is why I'm still working out occasionally and haven't taken the shower alarms off my phone. I think that's the thing that makes a resolution different from a lifestyle change; you can fail a resolution, but you can still keep trying to change your lifestyle one day at a time.

Related to health and fitness, I've been encouraging a friend of mine to loose weight. I don't really care how fat my friends are, but she wants to loose weight, so I'd be a terrible friend if I didn't care at all. She's made some great progress, and I'm proud of her. On her down days, I always ask her, "why do you want to loose this weight? What's your goal, and why does it mean so much to you?" This is to motivate her because she wants to get to 130lb so her boyfriend thinks she's sexy. I already think she's sexy enough, but apparently this motivates her a lot. She likes to throw in things like, "I'll feel healthier, less tired; I won't have to worry about diabetes, and my mom and I will be able to share clothes again." I think she mostly wants to have more sex with her boyfriend, but she can't help but throw in these common catchphrases that gyms and phys ed classes have been throwing around for basically as long as they've existed. And being me, I have to ponder these a bit.

As you might guess if you've read some of my other posts, I'm not really concerned with looking sexy. I think health is something relatively important, but only when it's convenient. I suppose part of this is because I have chronic illness, specifically a nerve condition that makes it unlikely that I'll ever feel healthy again in my life, as well as depression, migraines, and an increased aptitude for catching colds and bad moods. I got a card the other day from a dear friend who was very concerned when I made a joke about how I'm unwanted due to my unmarried status; he informed me that I am beautiful both inside and out, and that I don't need to talk like I'm unlovable just because I'm unmarried. It was sweet, but also cringy. I get that he doesn't know me super well and that he's doing the best he can to encourage me, but please encourage me to live life fully, to explore my passions and talents, and to love fully and well, not to need constant reassurance that I'm aesthetically pleasing.

This brings me back to an interesting conversation that Mother and I have been having about the bible study occurring in her church. I don't know the name of the study, but when I describe it, I'm sure you'll be able to find dozens of examples of Christianese drivel that panders to the same unspoken need. The study is on the topic of food and how women in the church need to feed their bodies so they can be best equipped to serve god. It hits on the essential topics of avoiding food addiction, delighting in the fact that god sees every one of his daughters as beautiful princesses, and how losing weight is actually an act of worship. How is losing weight an act of worship? Because it means you're no longer living to yourself and blindly following the devil's snare of comfort eating, but you are choosing to live healthy and strong so that you'll be ready when god asks you to run a marathon to share the gospel with someone 32 miles away.

Okay, I'm not even paraphrasing anymore, but this is my blog, and I have creative license. The point is, this study was intently implying that being fat and unhealthy is sinful, whereas being healthy and religiously caring for your body is holy and the way that god best uses women. But also that they're beautiful no matter what.

So, where do I begin? Being the intelligent reader that you are, I'm sure that you've noted the inconsistency in the idea that you must be healthy to serve god. There is nowhere in the bible where it has ever been indicated, "and the LORD searched the whole earth for someone perfectly healthy to do his will. Fortunately, there was a whole group of women who had been sharing vegan recipes and set up accountability partners to go to the gym 3x a week with each other, and thus god was pleased." In fact, my cursory glimpses into the bible seem to indicate that god isn't at all hindered by the health, weight, language, color, relative beauty, talent, or lack thereof of his servants. God doesn't seem to care much whether an individual feels ready to serve based on years of training and paleo diets. In my experience, He simply says, "Go, show love; I'll meet you there."

When did god's people decide that telling little girls they're beautiful takes precedence over telling them that they're horrible sinners that god chooses to love despite all their shortcomings and they can be saved? When did beautiful become something that we need to feel? Why is it so wrong to tell a teenage girl that she's just average-looking? We all want to feel beautiful, but god has so much more for us than that. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that somewhere along the lines, I've accepted the fact that being healthy is a desirable goal; that being good-looking and feeling great are important things to strive for. In some ways, this is so. There are advantages to being beautiful and tall and professional and attractive; life is easier when you're not vomiting, having asthma attacks, or shooting up with insulin. But I think it's silly to equate that with being holy and doing God's will. God never said one has to be healthy to belong in his Kingdom; nor did he say to neglect to care for one's body. We've taken something that is currently culturally important and tried to fit it into our idea of religiosity. But god didn't say, "I want you to have high self-esteem," He said, "I love you; love one another."

How to Not end up in an Apartment that Sucks

So, you’re moving out. You’ve decided that living with your parents isn’t for you anymore, and it’s high time you graduated from stupid university housing. You pull open your computer and begin searching for apartments near where you want to live, and your screen fills with host sites full of listings with everything from swimming pools to scenic vistas. The more you search, though, the more you realize that finding your first apartment can be a daunting task. Should you go full utilities? Garage? W/D hookups? Pets okay? Patio, one bedroom, studio, 2 ½ bath? Well, take it from someone who has experience searching for not one, not two, but more than three apartments in the past few years to help you avoid some common problems when you first rent!

The first step is to decide what kind of apartment you want. Studio apartments are one room plus a bathroom. This is fine if you live alone or don’t mind sharing all your living space all the time, but if you plan on having much company, it can get cramped. The fewer bedrooms a place has, the cheaper it usually is, so unless you’re looking on getting a roommate, you’ll probably want to stick to one bedroom places at largest. These models will generally come with a full kitchen, living room, and of course, a bathroom. Sizes and configurations may vary.

Your standard apartment will come with garbage and water fees already calculated into the bill, since these are generally set fees. Other utility costs, such as electricity, heat, cable, or WiFi can either fluctuate or are deemed unnecessary, so are sometimes not included. If all utilities are included, keep in mind that you’ll probably be overpaying some months, but underpaying other months, so the convenience of a consistent fee will most likely be equitable. Garages are nice, but usually add a significant cost. On site washer dryer (W/D) is probably one of the most important things to look for at an apartment, since Laundromats, while functional, are not really fun places to hang out. If a place comes with W/D hookups, you’ll have to bring in your own appliances, but the electrical circuitry is already there. Nothing worse than toting a washing machine up 3 flights of stairs only to find there’s no place to plug it in. Speaking of appliances, it’s pretty standard for an apartment to come with a stove and refrigerator. Some will come equipped with other appliances, but if one isn’t included, the listing should specify. Some come with almost every piece of furniture you could need, at a cost, but you’ll have to be careful to not get them dirty or your security deposit will rapidly disappear.

Speaking of security deposits, you’ll most likely have to put a full month’s rent down in addition to the first month’s rent (translation, move in costs rent x2) as insurance in case you trash the place. I generally advise not trashing anything that doesn’t belong to you, but if you have the money and don’t care that you won’t be able to use this place as a reference as you search for future apartments, you’re free to do as you will. Most landlords will find some way to weasel you out of at least half your deposit whether by cleaning, small repairs, or miscellaneous fees, but if you leave the apartment in reasonably good condition, you should walk away with at least some of the deposit when you move out. To avoid maintenance fees upon move out, be sure to alert your landlord immediately when something breaks, since they’re legally obligated to fix it without charging you while you’re under lease. Unless it’s ridiculous. Most of them will charge you if you’re unreasonably clumsy or destructive.

Now that you know how to read the listings and how much it‘ll cost you to move in, it’s time to pick out a few that meet your high expectations. You don’t want to pay a ton for this place, but you don’t want to end up with garbage either, right? High price doesn’t guarantee high quality, but be wary of too good to be true prices. Never commit to a place without thoroughly investigating it first. While you’ll never know all the pitfalls of a place until you’ve actually lived there for a month or so, there are some basic things that you should be entitled to wherever you are living. Test to see if all the faucets work, and how long it takes for the hot water to actually get hot. Make sure all the light switches work. Note if the doors stick or the windows don’t open easily, or if the windows don’t lock airtight. Make note of any chores such as lawn mowing or show shoveling you’ll be responsible for (usually standard in a free-standing unit).

If you’re having trouble sorting through online listings such as Craigslist (which doesn’t have a standard format, so you never know what kind of information will be available) or Apartments.com, you can always call a real-estate agency. They’ll take a fee, of course, but such places are generally organized and specific, even while they try to swindle you. If you’ve looked at several places and still can’t make a decision, try testing it against Sirah’s spectacular Pro tips, seen below!

Pro tip #1. If the apartment looks like a dump when you visit it, it’s probably because the landlord is really slow about fixing things. Since you’re renting, you have only minimal responsibility for fixing the place up, so the landlord should be checking in regularly to make sure everything is in working order. If he/she can’t even spruce things up for an open house, you should probably look elsewhere. Admittedly, some places are just old, so they might not look haut fashion or modern, but if paint is peeling, wiring is exposed, flooring is cracked, or windows are broken (common problems that would require minimal effort to repair), go with your gut and pass on that place. Never take a landlord’s word that the place will be fixed up by the time you move in. If you want a second opinion, try asking some neighbours, as they’ll usually be able to point out some common problems.

Pro tip #2. It’s common knowledge that heat rises. If you like being warm all year around without paying a ton in heating costs, move into a place above an old lady. Not to stereotype or anything, but the heat she puts into her apartment will rise into yours which will help defer heating costs. Just make sure to thank her sometimes. Upstairs apartments have the wonderful benefit of reduced chances of peeping toms, fewer people tromping around above you late at night, and provide exercise as you walk up that flight of stairs every day. Of course, carrying furniture up and down stairs can be difficult unless you get one of those high-end pre-furnished apartments, and your escape routes in an emergency are significantly more time consuming.

Pro tip #3. Having roommates can be a great way to offset the costs of your apartment and utilities. Sometimes you even become friends with your roommates and live happily with only the occasional argument. Make sure you set up regular times to talk as roommates, though, and don’t be surprised if you learn more about your roommate than
you ever wanted to know. Fred doesn’t like wearing pants after he comes home from work? Julie is scared of cleaning her hair out of the shower drain? Bill doesn’t get the concept of rinsing his dishes before leaving them in the sink for a week? Ah well, you’ll figure it out. If you’re lucky, you won’t end up hating each other by the time your lease expires. If you skip out on rent, though, there is no pit of hell deep enough… Don’t be that guy.

Pro tip #4. You can often live with a lot less than you thought you could. If the idea of moving all your stuff, buying tons of furniture, and paying for all utilities seems daunting, make a list of what you’d absolutely need if you were to live in a specific place. Then go back through the list and make a list of the stuff you’d actually need. Theoretically, this second list should be shorter ;) Personally, I find it necessary to have on-site parking, a bathtub, and a large countertop, but you certainly have other needs, so don’t be afraid to figure out what you couldn’t live without; there’s no shame in wanting a south-facing window or a living room with three outlets.

All in all, there’s no such thing as a perfect apartment. You can find places that qualify as pretty good or good enough, but there will always be downsides to every place, even if they’re not apparent at move-in. That said, there are some things you shouldn’t have to put up with. If things are broken or living conditions are hazardous, you can get help via city ordinances and lease agreements to help make your living situation better. However, hopefully you can just avoid these kinds of situations in the first place. Spend some time thinking over a place before you agree to any sort of lease, pre-lease or contract. Make sure the place is somewhere you can feel comfortable coming home to because why pay for something you don’t want?